We ran across 10 recommendations for conversation starters while surfing the other day…we Did Not Like Them…They were…in reverse order:
- Avoid her past .
- Got any brothers or sisters?
- Traveled anywhere special?
- Drinks, anyone?
- Any career plans?
- How’s your job?
- Got any friends?
- Free time frolicking
- Weekend’s peakin’
- Be bold and look ahead
Our first question: Dude…if you can’t make conversation, why are you trying to go on dates?
You have a lot of learnin’ to do….
Our conversation starter comments:
1/ “Avoid her Past”…no…Avoid your past…its probably nothing to brag about anyway… and if it is…save it for your buddies. She will talk about her past if she wants to…mostly you should ignore most of it…don’t ever think about jealousy…if you are jealous you own it…it’s your problem not hers. She shouldn’t go out with you again anyway if you show jealousy.
2/ Forget asking about her family, she will tell you in her own time anyway…and if this leads to a relationship…you will need to face them soon enough. Don’t tell her about your mom.
3/ You can ask her about her travels, but then you will want to ask about who “we” is when she says “we went to…”. Be prepared. Instead ask her about what kind of a fun getaway weekend out-of-town she looks forward to…or her dream vacation. It will help to know if you like the same “value” time activities and places.
4/ Forget “drinks anyone”, she will let you know if she is getting over an abusive drunk relationship…. and you can tell a lot about her by what she orders when you take her for coffee…drinks …or appetizers. Be careful about how much you drink… unless you are trying to keep up. Then figure how much the cab will be to her place then yours…or just pack her off in her own taxi.
5/ “Got any Career plans” …are you kidding? This implies she is a dunce. Maybe ask “are your enjoying your career / job?” The reply will tell you a lot about her…just be sure to listen.
6/ “How’s your job?” …this is fairly safe…but it allows a one-word reply…”fine”. Then what? Also it’s kind of a boring question. Dump it. She will just ask “How’s yours?”
7/ “Got any friends”…of course she has friends…they are who she will call while you are driving home. She’ll be telling them what a dork you are if you ask this question. Or likely she will text them right now saying “OMG call and save me”. Better to just mention how important you feel your few good friends are to your life…and how different they are from just acquaintances.
8/ “Free time frolicking” this presumably means… what does she like to do with her free time. This is an OK question, be prepared for her asking what you like to do. If she has answers be prepared to listen…keep your answers short.
9/ “Weekend’s peaking”. Forget suggesting what do for the weekend together…you don’t even know if you want to see her again…or if she wants to see you again for that matter. If she invite you…all is good.
10/ “Be bold and look ahead”. Actually this is a good suggestion IF after a couple of hours and you are CERTAIN you want to go forward with this person. Once making a decision to move forward with her …a great move can be to invite her to an event you have planned. “I’m going to “X” concert next Saturday…and I think I will enjoy it a lot more if I could enjoy it with you, will you join me?”
OUR SUGGESTIONS FOR BEST CONVERSATION STARTERS…
1/ “I like your outfit… it looks great on you.” (Note, this is not a question…but it will start a conversation.) You may be out of your comfort zone talking about clothes…later you can mention you are wearing a Bamboo shirt…it’s somewhat unusual and says you are an earth friendly person. Mention how soft it is…she may want to check it out herself…touching is good. Remember, its not her clothes that look good…its her that looks nice in those clothes…it matters how you say it.
2/ “This restaurant has excellent appetizers, my favorite is X…will you enjoy sharing one with me?” She will have an opinion…if she says “great” and does not eat any you know she likes you but not your appetizer…if she makes another suggestion…that’s good too. If she orders a second appetizer and gets it to-go…never call her again. Same thing if you are dumb enough to do dinner on a first date and she gets extra to-go…your are her latest grocery delivery.
3/ “My favorite band/entertainer is X…how about your favorite?” Listen and continue the conversation abut what she likes NOT …what you like. You will learn more about her…and maybe where her tattoos are.
4/ “I am thinking about a weekend/or week vacation at X” Have you traveled recently?” Travel questions…if you went somewhere with another woman…don’t bring up that destination…you will just screw up and say “we” at some point. Ask her what she liked about where ever she mentioned…remember…its about her…not you.
5/ Do not ask her if she has a cat…its a waste of time. If she has one (or several) she will absolutely tell you about them before the date is over. If she has a cat…and you hope to share her bed…be prepared to share it with the cat…it’s your choice…it will happen. Oh, and by the way…if she is in her 40’s…and has cats…not good…she already has a 4 legged husband that does not talk back. If you have cats…you’re reading the wrong blog.
6/ If she suggests a place to meet on the first date…and unexpectedly a friend shows up…you are within reason to consider bowing out immediately with an excuse…its a set up. But…if the friend is really hot…you have an interesting challenge…try to get her number. Likely they set up the “meet” so the friend can help with a judgement about you…not a good plan…it indicates your date has no confidence in her own judgement.
7/ Remember your job is to listen…more questions from you to continue the conversation will follow easily if you are listening.
8/ When she asks about you…keep it short…you can give her all the details on future dates if you care enough to keep dating her.
9/ It’s always good advice not to “show her all your toys (cars/boats/luxury home)” …or talk about them… on a first date. We have a doctor friend that says he keeps meeting “gold bricks”…he keeps showing his toys on a first date…it’s no wonder. She may love your bank account more than she likes you…let your financial strength be a pleasant surprise for later. (If you have no “toys” you can passover this point.) Don’t let it stop your efforts.
You are on your own from here….its a jungle out there…but…“Nothing happens if you’re not out among ’em.” Too true for the women too.
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